10 Ways for You to Nurture YOU
Ok mammas, this one is for you. How often do you hear that?
Us moms are great at putting others first, not making time to care for ourselves and then actually beating ourselves up for all the stuff we couldn't get to.
It is the expectations of our society that we be supermom, make it look easy, and not break a sweat (physically or emotionally).
Yet we KNOW that the better cared for WE are, the better we can care for and show up for others.
I am so glad you are reading this post today. I hope you find one or more ways for you to take care of YOU!
1 - start with self-compassion
Self-care is not just getting enough sleep, and caring for your physical and emotional self. It is also about self-love and compassion, self-reflection, investing in yourself and setting healthy boundaries.
When it comes down to it, you are your own #1 fan. You need to hold respect, love and compassion for yourself, because at the end of the day the only person that can do that for you is you.
What does your self-talk sound like?
What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror? What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? When you reflect on who you are, is it with grace and compassion or is it mostly negative and critical?
Positive self-talk is an essential part of self-compassion.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t acknowledge mistakes or feel embarrassed about something you said or notice where you want to continue to grow and change. But, it does mean that when you do those things, that you do it from a place of love and not judgement.
It also means that you shower yourself with praise and warmth on a regular basis. This is looking for and acknowledging your inner and outer beauty, affirming the qualities you love about yourself, and honoring and upholding your true self.
Some ways to boost your inner self-talk:
set reminders that pop up on your phone of what you want to hear from yourself
practice a growth mindset - recognize that you are not perfect and are always growing and learning, and use the word “yet” at the end of a critical statement to turn it into a growth statement: “I don’t know what I’m doing here (in my job, as a mom, fill in the blank)” turns into “I don’t know what I’m doing, yet.”
have a “wake up statement” that you tell yourself to start your day: “I am enough and I am capable of many things.”
have a “goodnight statement” to end your day: “You did your best today. Goodnight, I love you.”
think about how you talk to others when you offer encouragement and love and say those words to yourself
When you give yourself love, you can then share that love with others. You will be less judgmental and more graceful. And, seeing as you are human, you deserve to swim in self-love. We all do. Period.
Some other questions for self-reflection:
When was the last time you told yourself that you are enough?
What do you know you should do to better care for yourself, but you haven't done yet?
How do you practice self-love? If you don't, how could you start?
2 - reconsider your routines and rhythm
It’s amazing how being intentional about your routines and rhythms can have such a positive impact!
Your routines are the tasks and activities that happen regularly, at the same time or on the same day. Like, your morning routine, meals, your work schedule or book club. Routines are task and schedule-oriented.
Your rhythm is made up by the structure of your day and how the day flows. Like a bustling morning, followed by a busy work day, a family dinner and a quiet evening. Rhythm is energy and timing oriented.
Often times we get into routines and rhythms without even thinking about it. Picking up and dropping the kids off at school, kids activities, grocery shopping, zoning out to TV after the children have finally gone to sleep.
And along with that, we might often find ourselves complaining about these things as obligations, things out of our control or crippling our freedom.
Well, they don’t have to be.
If you stop and write down a typical day and a typical week, what do you see?
If you write down your ideal week day and your ideal weekend day, what do you notice?
Use your ideal days to guide changes you can make to your real-life routines and rhythms.
Lastly, routines and rhythm provide a sense of safety and predictability for children. But really, this is true for adults, too.
If you are feeling a lack of control in your day-to-day, take the time to reflect on what would feel good to add to your days to give you a sense of stability and predictability. Is it 15 minutes of quietly drinking your coffee in the morning, journaling before bed, or a solo walk after the workday?
Or, adjust your daily rhythm to better match you and your family’s needs. Do you need to slow down and have less scheduled? Do you need more quiet time, more family time or more outdoor time?
Make one of these simple changes and notice if or how things shift!
3 - check your environment
What do you LOVE about your home? What do you despise about your home? Your answers should give you some pretty good insight into how your environment makes you feel.
Everything from the furniture, textures, images, decor, and lighting, to the size of the space and how the space functions all contributes to our feelings in that space.
Whether it’s some serious spring cleaning and re-organizing that needs to happen or just a lighting adjustment and a cozy blanket, changing your environment can make a big impact on your daily experience.
Marie Kondo, Gretchen Rubin and the Danish concept of “hygge” all have wisdom to share on this topic. Artists and designers will talk about the relationship between form and function. And us occupational therapists love our environmental modifications and sensory adaptations.
So, don’t forget to consider your environment when you think about self-care.
4 - check your support system
It takes a village to raise a child - is the saying… Where did you say that village is? You didn’t give me an address.
If your journey into parenthood includes or included feelings of isolation and alone-ness, know that you aren’t alone in that experience. Unfortunately, many mother’s experience those feelings. And, unfortunately, it’s because there isn’t really a village anymore.
Our predominant culture, here in the US, upholds independence and autonomy. And, on top of that, our expectations of women are that we should do it all. So, there is no village.
So, if you haven’t thought about this much, this is your cue to shore up your support system. To ask for help when you need it, to be vulnerable with those you trust, and maybe move a little bit outside your comfort zone in the name of connection and belonging.
I have friends that I have noticed who are really good at this. They know how to find great community resources, and they find the right groups to get to know new people and meet their needs.
For, me on the other hand, this is something I have to be very conscious of. It is something I have to work at. Helping someone else, no problem! But, noticing and then meeting my own needs is something different.
So, who is a part of your support system? And, who or what is missing?
Make time for friends, talk with a therapist, get to know your neighbors, join the group, take the class, get out of the house. You never know, you might come across that village everyone is talking about.
5 - nurture your nervous system
Oh the nervous system! I love it, I work with it, I’m learning to work with my own.
There is a lot to say about how the nervous system functions, trauma, the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, regulation, and so much more.
For this post, I’ll keep it brief. Our nervous system is everything. It takes care of us, but we also need to take care of it.
A robust, nurtured, healthy nervous system can handle the ups and downs of life. But that’s just it, there' are a lot of ups and downs.
If we don’t continue to nurture this system, to process and heal our wounds, they will fester and become something else… a physical ailment, a toxic body, a mental health challenge, an emotional blockage.
The most healing work you can do for yourself is to nurture your nervous system. There are many ways to do that, so I’ll list some here. I encourage you to regularly do one or more of the things on this list.
Ways to nurture your nervous system:
CranioSacral Therapy
Meditation
Chiropractic
Acupuncture
Breathwork
Yoga
Somatic Therapy
Healing Touch
Reiki
Vagus nerve techniques
Rest
Nutritious food
Movement
Commune with Nature
Hydrate
6 - get in some movement
Our body thrives off of movement.
Movement supports our physical health, our mental health and our emotional health. It keeps our muscles, our blood and even our organs mobile. It helps our body to process and move through physical and emotional injury.
Of course, this isn’t the first place you’ve ever heard that! Movement or exercise (which has a negative connotation for many) is one of those things we know it’s good for us, but it can be so hard for us to actually do. We can feel soooo much resistance, avoidance or lack of motivation.
So, what then? If movement is hard for you, how do you get yourself to do it?
Start with taking away labels, like “exercise” or “working out.”
Instead, name the activities or the ways in which you truly like to move. Is it walking and chatting with a friend, swimming, gardening, biking, dancing alone in your living room? Do you prefer to have someone else do the thinking, like taking a class with an instructor versus planning and deciding for yourself what to do?
Next, take that activity that feels good and weave it into your schedule at times when it makes the most sense. Like maybe the best time is when you have energy or maybe its the opposite, when you need a pick-me-up. Whatever makes the most sense for you and fits with your needs and how you function.
7 - commune with nature
"You should sit in nature for 20 minutes a day... unless you are busy, then you should sit for an hour.”
~ Zen Saying
Swap "busy" for "stressed" and this is just as true. Being outdoors is nurturing for the body and soul. It seems these days everyone is either busy or stressed or both.
Try making some time in your daily routine to sit outside, take a walk or simply take a few breaths of Mother Nature’s sweet air.
If you already get outside to walk the dog, pick weeds, or commute to work, then I invite you to make it intentional. Tune into what nature is doing during those times. What does nature look like, sound like, smell like (I love the smell of spring air!)?
Let go of the task at hand and focus on your moment with Mother Nature. She will fill your soul!
8 - check in on your nutrition
Need I say more? We all know that the food we eat fuels us, nurtures us, energizes us or…. not.
Could you drink more water? Less caffeine? Could you cut some sugar or add some veggies? Try a food diary for a week to actually notice what you are eating. Or, do some meal planning and put intention into what you will be eating rather than grabbing what’s in front of you. See what little change you can make now.
This is not about shame, this is not about what you are doing wrong. It’s about taking care of YOU.
Notice if you need a change in this area. Notice how food makes you feel. Nurturing yourself through what you feed your body is self-care and self-love. And… you deserve it!
9 - rest
When I was in graduate school I learned that occupational therapists have a saying, "work. rest. play." It’s about balance, self-care and self-awareness.
"It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol."
~ Brene Brown
I bet nobody has to ask you or tell you to work harder or do more. That is just the expectation in our culture. But we don’t have to go along with the status quo.
So it’s ok to say “no” to something being added to your plate, it’s ok to put your feet up.
Read a book, take a bath, meditate. Plan an un-scheduled day. Say “yes” to rest, whatever that looks like for you.
When you are rested you are a better you.
10 - engage in meaningful occupations and play
We covered rest in #9, so now it’s time to play! The term “occupation” in occupational therapist simply refers to “activity” (not a paid job - we get confused for job therapists all. of. the. time. Is that even a thing?).
OTs help support people young and old to engage in meaningful occupations. The best part is that each individual gets to say what a meaningful occupation is for them.
What do you do that gives you a sense of purpose, engages you, taps into your creativity, and leaves you feeling good?
Going from not being a parent to being a parent brings an enormous amount of change. I don't know about you, but one of the biggest changes I felt after becoming a mother was the sudden lack of time that was left for me at the end of the day.
The gift of our time and energy to our children is invaluable and necessary, 100%. But nobody is able to function and share their gifts without being fulfilled themselves.
So my suggestion to you is to take a few minutes to thoughtfully answer the question above. Then carve out regular time (5 minutes a day, 60 minutes a week, however it works for you) to engage in those occupations that fill you up!
Don’t forget the “play” in “work, rest, play.”
